I remember it clearly as if it only happened a few days ago, perhaps because it only was a few days ago; Thursday, to be exact. Just after the last big swim meet of the season, a few of the boys and I decided to celebrate; indulge ourselves in a little grass. Why not? I remember getting off of the bus and going directly into my degenerate friend's car, and no sooner did I shut my door when the bowl was lit and being passed around. We were bent before we even left the parking lot. Fuck. We didn't even leave the parking lot right away. Circle it a few times. Bake the car real nice. Inhale the second hand smoke, shit, do what you have to do. I remember stopping and talking to another friend getting into her car. She hates dope. So I blew a nice hit of the middies right into her face. She ran away screaming, then her good-for-nothing passenger threw a tampon in our car. "FUCKING BASTARD!!!" I thought, then I pocketed the vile thing, thinking of a devious scummy way to use this later and get back at them. The whole team was going to meet at some shithole restaurant called Kretzlers to celebrate our last meet (which we lost terribly, by the way). The only way I could handle such a meeting in such a bumfuck place was to be as blazey as humanly possible. We smoked a few more bowls and unleashed ourselves inside.

JESUS CHRIST! We arrived fashionably late. Everyone had already ordered, and they gave us the stinkeye glare as we stumbled in like some sort of Mongoloid. This biker-looking waitress asked me what I wanted for a drink.

"NO CARBONATION, GODDAMMIT!" I can barely handle coke or Pepsi or any of that deadly poison. I needed something with tang, something with flavor. "PINK LEMONADE, YOU FIEND!".

The bitch just looked at me and walked away. By this time they were looking at me.
Closing in.
Vertigo.
The kid next to me was mumbling something to me that I would never understand. I was freaking out. Stay calm, cool, collect thoughts, sip your beverage maybe order some chicken tenders, settle, simmer. Finally, the whore brought my drink. I immediately pulled the tampon thrown at me and dipped it in the pink liquid until it expanded like some sort of monster sponge, then without anyone noticing, I quickly threw the thing into my mouth only leaving the string dangle free. "This will fuck with the swine" I thought.

I then had that mumbling bastard beside me pull out the string to his disgust. I quickly grabbed it and threw it towards the end of the table. Squeals of disgust proceeded. I knew for sure I was unwanted now. I ordered my chicken tenders and gobbled them down. I needed to leave. I threw money towards the center of the table and exclaimed I needed to get the hell out of there now. My driver and stoned friends agreed. We hurried out.

Three bowls later, the guy in the passenger side received a phone call. Apparently a friend had a flat tire and needed help. "Let's give our buddies a hand." he said.

"No dammit! There's swine all over the place!"

They heard it not. We went and helped them to no avail. What kind of a fucking degenerate doesn't carry a car jack with them? FAH! Off we went to get dropped off at home. Shit--swine. I knew it. "I fucking told you goddamn fascists! The pigs are onto us!"

Yep. They pulled us over. I grabbed my vitamin c bottle full of marijuana {vitamin thc} and then tried to shove it up my ass. No luck. My ass wasn't loose and the pigs would find it for sure. Fuck it. They'll find it either way . I threw it under my seat as the cop approached the window. "YOU BOYS BEEN SMOKING SOME MARIJUANA? WHOSE IS IT? AND DON'T LIE TO ME!!".

He got no response. We all looked at our feet like damn delinquents. I remember hearing something like "PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!!".

Shit. I threw my hands up, got pulled out of the car, thrown up against the car, spread, and fucking molested by the swine. The jig was up. I know my rights as an American citizen, and these goddamn assholes were violating them. Damn dirty cops. No, we didn't give them permission to go through our pockets or the vehicle but it didn't matter to this midget dago on a power trip. After all, it would be his word against ours. Fuck the system and the pope. I was sitting in the back of the cramped ass Crown Vic thinking. Shit. I'm a fucking criminal. Some sort of juvenile. Then the bastard beside me began to cry and bitch at me. "NONE OF THAT YOU BASTARD! I DON'T NEED IT. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CHILL THE FUCK OUT YOU GODDAMN DOWNY!"

I fought the law and the law won.

I needed some fucking sleep. There I was at the police station at midnight being interrogated. Sucked. I know their fascist tricks, though. "Oh, you might as well talk. Your friends told us everything." .

"Well, if they told you everything, then why are you questioning me, swine?"

They didn't like that one bit. In the end, they really didn't have much save for a quarter bag of weed and a bowl that fell out of my friend's ass as he was being frisked. We all got off with disorderly conduct. No fine, no rehab, just a shitload of community service; working with the goddamn old people whose minds have been long gone. Changing their goddamn adult diapers and wiping their damn, dirty, wrinkly scumholes. Fucking cops. I'd rather pay a fine and do rehab. At least in rehab and I can make some friends and score some dope. Fuck off.

Ciao,