"Hey St. Dalphy, Where the Fuck...Were You?"
by Jerry Vilhotti

Ten year old Johnny could hear no sounds; nevertheless, he listened intently for "Mamasu" who was given that name by Johnny's father telling him it was a very affectionate word for Grandmother; never telling him it literally meant "her damn fucking Malevento witch of a mother."

He always wondered when he called her that why she would go into a rage charging at him with right left combinations attempting to take his head off? Her moves would have had the "Raging Bull" , De Niro, Rocky Newmam "Somewhere Up There" envious but Johnny's sidestepping and ducking had the eighty-three year old lady reeling off into unbalanced misses.

Johnny awoke from his dream of dying killed by the old lady when he bumped into Mamsau who was coming out of the bathroom!

He began a run for his life in a full darkness, as both his parents and grandmother did not believe in wasting electricity, while the old lady was running for her life thinking her son-in-law had been lurking in waiting to assassinate her once and for all - for all the years her boneless tongue had broken his bones with all the insults she had hurled at him like wild punches to the brain that often connected.

Often Johnny hid from her threats that he would die killed at her hands by climbing high up to the top of the willow tree his father had planted for him and from that perch like a wounded eagle he would see his mother's mother do her havoc on his father's garden - by peeing on all the not for long flourishing plants growing so proudly reaching for the sky as Johnny could hear his father's mighty shouting sobs at the discovery of half dying plants of corn, tomatoes, zucchini and Savoy cabbages; cursing the "great discoverer" who found a land that would allow just about anyone in saying: "You're going to die soon old old lady! The devil not God is going to take you to Dante's hell!"

From deep among all the wilting plants, Johnny could hear his grandmother's comeback: " Not before - son of a whore who couldn't keep his fly closed - all your little beauties go before me!"

A large sound of pouring water could be heard throughout every day of the three weeks she remained with them until Deo her son finally remembered to get her as his father with eyes closed tightly could see a Niagara Falls drenching his prized garden and in the sound of water cascading upon all the plants that could not run away, he imagined another scoundrel of all scoundrels - Christopher Columbus - trapped inside his ship; trying to scramble out of his sinking boat hundreds of miles before a discovery of a "new world" could happen but Johnny's father would not allow him to escape; instead, he kept the destroyer of innocent people trapped inside the image of swirling waters and mounds of debris until he stopped hearing water falling.
END 6-25-09

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